The family experience

I'm putting my makeup on in the bathroom. The light is a horrible florescent. It makes a horrid buzzing noise. My eyes look as if I have not slept in days. Dark dark rings. I start to wonder if they are real. The slight bug-ish buzzing noise that the light is making scares me. It reminds me of those scary movies. The ones where people are in nasty cheap hotels and you can hear the buzzing of light bulbs. I hear those noises. Eric's uncle is asking awkward questions. It smells musky. The food is regular. Nothing great. Nothing bad. His four foot Grandmother is dragging herself around the house. She has a hunchback almost as tall as her head. What an adorable small creature. Feet and face of an elf. Eric's uncle reminds me of the physical traits Robin Williams has in "One hour Photo". He has Big glasses that he is constantly pushing onto his nose. Pants pulled up to his chest. He has a button down shirt tucked into his pants. His hair is parted in the middle and combed onto the sides. He tells stories that are suppose to be funny. The funny part is his laugh. We laugh along. Christmas day comes. Family arrives. They see me, they see a new face. They seem to avoid an introduction. I find that strange. We turn on the television. Julia Child's is on the screen. She is speaking in her horrible accent. She is teaching some horrible cooking recipe. I'm watching lamb curry. I'm watching people go by. I'm watching my life... I'm watching what my christmas is. I'm watching and watching and watching. Finally hours later we leave. Am I relieved? Yes! Time for normal... time for boring.

Sake Sake Sake Bomb

I sit here. I listen to him breath. I walked him home. He put his weight on my body. I took it with no complaint. He yelled. He cursed. Why do I bother? I love him I guess. I shower him. I watch him. I'm afraid he might fall. I lie him to bed. I take my blanket. I sleep on the couch. Come back to check, he's asleep on the floor. So I sit here... I listen to him breath. I wonder... I dream... I drift into what I wish was real. My mind floats away. I need to sleep I need to dream. Dream of better things. Better ways. Better days. Better cocoa butter rays. Poetic Snoetic... Might as well be Joenetic. Would not could not. Fix his mother fucking box. I ruin a friendship I have no control of. I'm conspicuous. Why now. Why make me look like a cow? Fuck off you mother fucking ox in the shape of a fox. Rules? What rules? We live by no rules. We write by no rules! We only think and speak.

(Edited)

Wedding tomorrow! Or should I say today. I'm excited becuse for once I feel like the people getting married should be. It's not gonna be all awkward and ooo hey were just here because you invited us. I feel like its gonna be a celebration of two amazing people that really belong together. I guess this is what weddings are really for. Unlike the ones I'm use to. People getting pregnant or just want to have sex and their religious reasons. Lame. I know I want to marry my little emacarooni (lovers call eachother gay names like that right? This one might stick it has a nice eeewwwie lame-ness too it and makes me want to scrunch my nose and kiss Eric's cheek.) I tell Eric his new nick name all he has to say is "Oh, no!" which I was expecting or the classic "O, God." -Eric Justin Mcdoodliepants.

Trying to kill myself with strange alcoholic beverages.

The 15 milligrams of caffeine were removed from sparks suggesting it was target marketing toward youth. They have decided to keep the product without the caffeine. They have changed the label removing symbols and words in an attempt to make it less appealing to young people. In the words of a young person. Being myself. This blows. Thank god you can make them at home by following the article below.

Sparks Outlawed? Now You Can Make It at Home

By Andy Wright in Recipes, WTF?

Mon., Nov. 16 2009 @ 5:56PM

Back in December 2008, MillerCoors voluntarily removed caffeine, taurine, guarana, and ginseng from energy drink Sparks, due in part to pressure from San Francisco City Attorney Dennis Herrera. Hipsters everywhere lost their collective shit. The overly sweet malt liquor/energy drink hybrid saturated the fabric of many a party flannel. Subtract the caffeine and all you have left is a really gross drink, instead of a really gross drink that makes you stay up really, really late.

A match made in heaven?

​Luckily, there were drinks like Four-Loko and Joose primed to fill the 16-oz-can shaped hole in our hearts. Their stupid names and potential to dye your tongue as if you were suffering from a nutritional deficiency felt familiar and safe.

But The Man wasn't satisfied.

Herrera issued a statement on Nov. 13 explaining that he and other state attorneys had successfully pressured the FDA into investigating the safety of caffeinated alcoholic beverages, because they create "wide-awake" drunks and "may lead to increased risk-taking and other serious alcohol-related problems such as driving under the influence, violence, sexual assault, and suicide." The desired outcome of this investigation? Herrera hopes "companies that produce these drinks and target youth with their products will take the responsible step and remove these dangerous products from the marketplace immediately."

When life hands you lemons, you make Bathtub Sparks.

The following drink was reverse-engineered from a vintage can of caffeinated Sparks and rigorously tested via blind taste-test by SFoodie and four people who agreed to come over to the author's house and drink this stuff, plus two random guys on the street who should be applauded for their daring and general zest for life. Video evidence of highly scientifical tastings below.

Don't be alarmed when it foams.

​ The results? It's virtually impossible to tell the difference between Bathtub Sparks (or Not Sparks, or Moonshine Sparks) and real Sparks. Between tastings, palates were cleansed with beer.

After making our version of bathtub sparks my night went well. The day was horrible. Eric broke down in the Holland tunnel while we were trying to get the DJ equipment from Bunny Chow. Never ever speaking to Chef Paul again. That whole ordeal on Friday the 20th was out of control. (Don't get distracted Jeni) Moving back to last night. We drank our home made sparks and some Joose. Icky to say the least. The Orange is a terrible flavor. I didn't get to try the blue. However, the purple was ok and the red was alright. Conclusion! Do not drink joose. After getting stupid drunk we continued to Room 84. I believe I danced with every person there. Including the bouncer. He seems nice. His hair could use some fixing. Maybe I'll tell him next time. I believe I embarrassed myself and possibly all of my friends. Sorry guys. I had a good time and I love all of you. John we will make you a photographer yet! There is a nice photograph of the Joose at the top of this post. I would like every one to know what I put inside my body last night. And how it has every reason to feel the way it does right now.Oh, let us not forget all the vodka shots. I can not wait to see the pictures of me spanking justin with his fro pick. Also me trying to carry Dawn to bed while she was passed out leaning over on the couch. Let's make this happen John.

11-17-09

I think with this blog I will just put all my thoughts out there clouding my head.

Today was useless. I stayed home. I have been lying around watching Hulu (Thanks Eric). I sorted my laundry into colors. Have I attempted to do it? No. I made Tofu fries and Potato fries. If only I was not alone to conduct my experiment. I had to eat them all... and eat them all alone due to the lack of help. So my belly is full of carbs and ketchup. They were not bad but not good. Then I ground myself some beans and made coffee. It on the other hand was horrible. Well, the ketchup was good. However, I didn't make that. I'm tired of being negetive. I'm tired of being useless. I'm also tired of trying to do things and ending up failing. Maybe because I do them alone? If only I had another person's opinion? Is this where I go wrong?

Note to self:

Get Acrylic white paint

Get party dress

Get more food

Make more money to pay for life

Video #2 -Tofu Frites, Fries and crispy Tofu Mojo's from White On Rice Couple on Vimeo.